One of the few things that is certain in life is that everyone will die at some point.\u00a0 Recently, we had a funeral for a 96-year-old\u00a0woman\u00a0who had been very active in the church.\u00a0 Her death had been coming for a while.\u00a0 Not every death is expected.\u00a0 We lost a beloved soccer coach last week who was only in his 60’s.\u00a0 His death was a complete shock.\u00a0 One of our deacons died this week and that was a complete surprise.<\/p>\n
Over the years in my own family the age of death has varied.\u00a0 Most have been people in their 70’s or 80’s but my great-grandmother lived to be 102.\u00a0 On the young side, one of my cousins had a new-born baby die.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Sometimes death can be expected.\u00a0 In the case of my great-grandmother at 102 it had been expected for a while.\u00a0 Her death was relatively easy to bear.\u00a0 My mother died when she was 63.\u00a0 She had emphysema for a number of years so in one respect her death was expected but it didn’t seem to make it any easier.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Other times death can be completely unexpected as was the case this past week in the parish with the coach and the deacon.\u00a0 An unexpected death can bring shock.\u00a0 It may not seem real.\u00a0 We might ask how can this be?\u00a0 It’s called denial.<\/p>\n
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross\u00a0identified five stages of grief that may occur when we loose a loved one.\u00a0 The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.\u00a0 The first thing to realize with these stages is they can occur in any order and in different magnitudes.\u00a0 We may find ourselves bouncing between stages.\u00a0 Each person grieves differently and it also depends on who we are grieving.<\/p>\n
When a person dies unexpected the denial can be especially strong because it doesn’t seem possible.\u00a0 Yet, we might also be in “denial” about the death of someone we knew was going to die soon.\u00a0 We don’t want to have to admit they are no longer with us.\u00a0 With the expected death we might be angry if we think the person didn’t fight hard enough.\u00a0 In an unexpected death from an accident, we might have anger towards the person who caused the accident (even if it is the person who died).\u00a0\u00a0 We need to move past the anger.<\/p>\n
We can face depression because of the loss of a loved one.\u00a0 We’re depressed because they aren’t with us.\u00a0 Sadness is always normal but when it lingers and affects us long-term it can be depression.\u00a0<\/p>\n
When we speak of the stage of acceptance, I don’t think we are talking about the “fact” of their death.\u00a0 The “fact” of their death is medically determined and when we see their body at the funeral, it seems obvious that they are dead but that doesn’t mean that we accept their death in the sense that we aren’t ready to make any changes that might come because our loved one is deceased.\u00a0 We want live to be the same.\u00a0 Not every death requires us to change anything about our lives but when we make any changes in a healthy way, we are accepting the death.<\/p>\n
Our Christian Faith is a vital part of how we face death.\u00a0 Before Jesus death was seen as a final end.\u00a0 There was no real understanding of death after life.\u00a0 Death was final.\u00a0 In his own death, Jesus gave us a new perspective on death and through his Resurrection Jesus shows that death is not our final end.\u00a0 God has something far better waiting for us in the kingdom of Heaven.\u00a0 Jesus changed the way we look at death.\u00a0 Jesus’ death and resurrection gives us hope.<\/p>\n
If you like to read books on spirituality I would suggest “Here On the Way to There” by William H. Shannon (St. Anthony Messenger Press, Cincinnati, OH, 2005).\u00a0 It is where I first learned about Kubler-Ross’s five stages of the dying process.<\/p>\n
Peace,<\/p>\n
Fr. Jeff<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of the few things that is certain in life is that everyone will die at some point.\u00a0 Recently, we had a funeral for a 96-year-old\u00a0woman\u00a0who had been very active in the church.\u00a0 Her death had been coming for a while.\u00a0 Not every death is expected.\u00a0 We lost a beloved soccer coach last week who …<\/p>\n